Spring is Here!

Doesn't it seem Spring is coming on really fast this year? This morning I saw a thin veneer of pine pollen on my car, and on my way to work, I saw my first wisteria bloom. I guess I need to start my daily dose of Zyrtec.

Some people say the first sign of true "native" spring is the hazy purple of our native redbud (Cercis canadensis) or perhaps the yellow flowers of our Carolina jessamine (Gelsemium sempervirens). These signs are more reliable than daffodil blooms or other exotic flowers. Redbuds have been blooming for what seems like 2 weeks now. Regardless of the "official start date" we are in the throes of Spring.

Yet we could still have a catastrophic cold snap... and it would be catastrophic because so many things are breaking bud and flushing out new growth. Though the long-range forecast doesn't predict any imminent cold snap, I'm cautiously optimistic. Late freezes have become increasingly the rule here in the south, probably because we get so many unusually warm days in January and Feb. which inevitably sets us up for disaster. It only takes one cold morning to ruin so much.

Though I love Spring and the return of warmth, I always feel overwhelmed. I find it impossible to see and do all the things I've dreamed of. I just don't have the time, much less the energy, and boy is there so much work to be done! My garden is currently engulfed with chickweed, henbit, and cleavers! Pulling them seems futile. All the plans and fantasies I dreamed about throughout the dreary days of winter seem perpetually out of reach. And I walk around my garden in a constant state of distraction...There's a photo that needs taking, a flower that needs pollinating, and increasingly, a pot that needs watering. I feel paralyzed!

(So now I get to the philosophical portion of my essay, so feel free to stop)

Now I want to talk a little bit about our (my) thoughts of inadequacy and our (my) illusion of control.

We can make all kinds of plans for our gardens, yet rarely do we accomplish most of what we aspire to do. But isn't it fun to dream? But why do our dreams and fantasies always involve some degree of "finishing" and perfection?

I suspect I'm not alone in my constant longing for perfection. And our society certainly doesn't help us transcend this human tendency. We are bombarded with images and memes encouraging us to"improve" our lives or "what we need to do to be more contented". But happiness doesn't come from something outside of us. And is "happiness" something we should even be striving for? Joy is just one of the many states of being that go into our human experience. To live a rich life and to grow and change, we must encounter all of our emotions head-on. We must fully experience and embrace our inevitable suffering. We have no context to experience gratitude without the life-changing power of suffering.

There is no easy way to live. Even when all our needs are met, we are still susceptible to some really unpleasant thoughts. But finding the beauty in this life, which is everywhere, btw, will remind us how remarkable all of this is. If we practice filtering out our biases for "goodness" and "perfection", we will see the world with fresh eyes. No longer will our vision be distorted with judgment and fear, we might actually begin to experience reality objectively, without so much expectation and worry about what might go wrong.

I struggle with a high level of background anxiety, so finding ways to reframe my perspective is important because I don't want to live in fear and with constant feelings of inadequacy. All of us are given such a short time. We really need to learn how to enjoy this world which is insanely complex and always changing. I feel it is never too late to reframe our outlook. But this requires a daily battle with our tendency to ruminate and fear.